Today marks the UNBelievable TEN YEAR anniversary of my Fathers death. I cannot believe it has been that long! When I think of all the things that have happened since then it is crazy!! I'm not going to lie it has been a REALLY hard "anniversary"! I think the build up of the day might be worse than the actual day but we will see how it ends. The only way I can explain this year is strange. Yes, strange. I miss my Daddy!! He was, and still is, such an inspiration to me. He was always kind, gentle, and loving. He knew me better than anyone. I was such a daddy's girl and I miss everything about him! I would give anything to have him here! To have my kids know him and not just of him! I know that God has a plan for each of us and I know I will see him again.......... But sometime that "again" just seems like an eternity away! I wrote a poem this year, we used to write poems all the time and read them to each other sometimes in the middle of the night. We'd meet in the kitchen and talk about our dreams or read our poems to each other over a glass of Ovaltine. I'm going to add my poem, it's kinda sad just to warn you! I debated whether or not to put it on but then I came to the conclusion that it's my blog and I can if I want! It's like my mini therapy session! Mom, Aaron, Lexie, Grandma........ I miss you guys SOOOO MUCH and I wish I could hug you all! I'm sure I will talk to you all today, not that we don't everyday! But know that I will be thinking of you all and I miss you all so much!!! Today is also my Grandma Johnson's (my dad's mom) birthday so Happy Birthday Grandma-ma!! I miss you so much and I wish I could see you! You are such an inspiration to me, you never cease to amaze me. You are my hero and I look up to you more than you will ever know! You are the most perfect person alive!!! And that explains why my daddy was so perfect, too!! I love you gramma!!
These are the only photos I have on my computer of my dad, thanks to my sister Lexie for emailing them to me! Of course the best one wouldn't load!!!!
It's been ten years and it seems so long, like a lifetime in black and white.
Your voice is fading, I hate that.
It scares me to forget.
It feels so very strange
To think that I've survived this long without you
Yet it seems like yesterday I saw you.
In the back of my mind I'm still waiting for you to come back
Ridiculous, I know.
But when you left I was just a child
You've missed so much!
I'm a woman now,
Married with four children of my own.
How is it that you don't even know them?
You've never even seen there faces
Never held them on your knee or kissed them good night.
I know you're better now
And that comforts me.
I know I'll see you soon.
But tomorrow is so far away
And yesterday is long gone.
And all I have are these memories
To help me carry on.
I miss your smile
I miss your face
I miss your tender and patient ways.
I miss the comfort I used to feel just from knowing you were there.
Daddy, where have you gone?
I still miss you just as much as the day you left.
Too young to leave our family
But too sick to carry on.
I know God has blessed you now and you are able to feel yourself again
But it's so hard without you, daddy
And I miss you more than words can say!
It's strange to think that the person who always knew me the best
Doesn't know me at all.
Have I become the woman you'd hoped?
It scares me a little to know
When you left it changed me,
So many things went wrong
And with out you I'm not so strong.
I've been through a lot without you
And I felt my foundation was gone.
I'm getting stronger
But I have my days
I know I'll make it through
You never cease to inspire me
This year is very strange
I feel you near but I cannot hug you
Your presences is so strong
But I cannot see you
I thank the Lord everyday for eternal life because I know I'll see you again
But until that day comes
I'll never stop missing you.
I love you, Daddy.
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